never feels at home

wishes i could finally
feel...
at home.
for once.

i'm in a strangers body
one that inhabited me 5 years ago.
i don't know this person any longer.
she is someone i wish i wasn't.
i hate her.
she is weak..
i killed her tonight
hopefully forever
never to haunt me again.
but i never know
sometimes i am weak..
and her spirit may be stronger than i am currently.
i hope she's not..
i feel her final breaths..
deep within me..
i know she's leaving me..
i will never be weakened again...
or i will rather..
to appologize fore my mistakes..
lord knows i've made many..
who doesn't know i've made many? my brain is weak...my heart is and always has been the same...for reasons i care not to share.
i miss my youth. life was simple. yes or no...
gray area? really? none..
always no...
yes on my terms..and never good terms...careless terms...selfish terms.
i miss..everything.
i wish i were home.
where that is..i have no idea.
i'll find it one day..
not today...



definitely not today.

but one day. i will
feel wanted
by one person.
and they won't burn the paper i write on
for the paper i write on is sacred.
it is my truth
the truth i can't speak.

i've always been to weak..
to speak
therefore my written word is the honest truth..
and you burnt that tonight
you probably won't care what it said.
and i shouldn't either
you've made your decision...
a million times
you've made
your
decision.


and finally.



FINALLY.



i've made mine..