for a friend.

first off...i want to let whomever is reading this know, that this is completely separate from my design blog.
this is me.
in words.
this is what should be written on pages of a notebook or journal but instead will be lost in the world of online shopping, youtube videos, networking, social sites and blogspots...amongst other things.

to start my first blog..& mostly because i'm completely annoyed at the world..again. (what else is new?) i want to say thank you to a friend..that i feel knows me soo well even though they live soo far away from me now..

today was her birthday. she moved away from our bustling town a couple months ago..and it really hasn't hit me how much i've missed her presence until now. i called her today...i was a little nervous to be honest. i wanted our friendship to be exactly how it was a year from today..two years from today..even though it was completely different. as soon as she picked up, it was as if she were just those 10 minutes away from me again. i wished her a happy 21st birthday and talked about how LIVELY my fucked up life has been lately...or how lively it's been since she had left two months ago.

i caught up with her in those 10 minutes before i had to go into work...and got a little choked up just telling her i had to go. i know i can call her anytime...but i also know she'll still be soo far away from me...never where she used to be...when i need her the most.

so, today. i want to say thank you to her, again.
because she's always TRULY been...one of my best friends i've ever had. she has always been so confident in the most humble way. she's one of the most attractive people i've ever met...never had a hard time getting the coolest or hottest guy...and yet, has never once put some random guy or fling in front of me being her friend. some people have a way of making themselves up to be some big person..but she has never once made me feel inferior to call myself her friend. she is always honest...even if it hurt...but she always had a way of telling me that wouldn't hurt me..because i'm easily damaged. she's also always been very protective of me...so much so that she's gotten into a fist fight with a girl at the club for just shoving me. i love her strength and her passion for life and what's right and wrong. i love her will power to be a successful, happy person even after everything she's been through in her life.

i miss her here.

i've always been very dependent on other people...she was always my number one. our friendship has never been one sided though. i knew i could count on her to have my back and i would do the same for her. there was always an unsaid vow we'd taken with each other. there were no titles..no written document. our friendship was...genuine. i could be crazy with her, cry with her, have deep conversations with her, sit in a room..and not say a word..and still feel comfortable with her (which is the true test of any friendship..i think.) and now, i've settled for calling her on her birthday...or posting a generic 'how are you?' greeting on her myspace page...

so here's a very special..i miss you.
this doesn't make up for our lost communication.
this is a realization
for me.
a wake up call
if you will..
to still
know you in the deepest way
like i had.
before you went away.
please,
come home soon..

to my very good friend ninive.
i love you.